Journal of a Virgin Pt 3
Here you are.
You've read the previous journals and yet you can't help but get in the boxing ring and wrestle with your thoughts. The ideas of purity or sexual boundaries are all great in theory. But in practice… you've practiced. In other words, you've had sex. Maybe it was with your prom date in senior year. Or maybe it was your participation in the recipe of drugs and/or alcohol + two humans. Or some heated situation got out go hand and you did something you later regretted. Yet, you have this confusing feeling deep inside you that you can't shake off and feel like you deserve something better or different.
Well, this journal is for you.
Firstly, let’s use a notion other than “purity”. I feel like we’ve been robbing generations of their opportunity to heal themselves by glorifying virginity and placing it upon a pedestal, particularly female virginity. I get frustrated that we judge people or ourselves by an act that can last less than three minutes. Three minutes of a person's life that can darken their thoughts for years. Therefore, let's not focus on whose skin touches whose, but does it disrupt your inner-peace or tranquility of soul. In other words, is your wholeness compromised or are you compromising another's wholeness?
Over a cup of coffee, my beautiful sassy friend said “I feel like I’ve given a piece of my heart to each man I slept with. When I finally meet the one, I will only have this tiny slice of my heart left to give him”. Meanwhile, many of my male friends have tried to convince me that they can have sex with no emotional connection. I do endeavor to believe them, but I still wonder whether they wake up the morning after and feel like a true champion? I also know sex works like super glue. Science can back me up. Oxytocin is a powerful chemical known as the “cuddle drug” and it is released when you orgasm, thereby an individual’s mind is bonding to a person or pornographic image. It is the drug of trust and partnership and attachment, commonly known by its street name: love. Fun Fact: Rats prefer it to cocaine. So, no wonder my friend’s heart hurt like hell, because two literally become one and you are having to rip your soul from theirs.
We need to stop believing that having sex once or twice or a thousand times means you’re never going to be whole again. After a forest is burnt down by a wildfire, do we leave it? No, forests are important ecosystems. The soil will be upturned, and seeds will germinate in the forest floor. Birds and other animals may also bring in seeds. Like a forest, with time and help from a few birdies (aka your friends or mentors) you can also begin to see yourself whole again and find restoration. I encourage you to bring you and all your beautiful baggage to God, watch Him wipe your slate clean and accept new beginnings. God takes all your baggage and throws it in the deepest lake in the world. Then He puts a sign up saying “no fishing”. Thereby, preventing you or anyone else from trawling up your past.
Your past doesn't define you. You have a choice to let your past sneak up like a thief in the night and whisper lies to you. Or you can choose to ignore the past and pick the beauty of the present which serves as a blank canvas waiting patiently for you to draw colourfully. You can also learn from your past and allow that wisdom to shape your future. Let me remind you that you are not what others call you. I’ve been called a slut, minx, ho and tramp. But I refuse to believe each name (or call myself these names). Rather, I call myself classy, whole, healthy and kind. Here’s a good measurement: Would you talk to your best friend the way you’re talking to yourself? And would she/he still be your best friend afterwards?
