The M-Word Pt 2
Welcome to your “practical guide” to stopping masturbation!
I believe this journal is important because after weeks of research I discovered the information out there about managing masturbation is weakkkk. 🙄 There are barely any resources available for you and we are going to change that, right here.
If you want to get to a moment in your life where you can’t remember the last time you masturbated, you've come to the right place!
Now, take a deep breath in, hold, release the air. 🥰 Settle into your seat and let’s continue…
Your desire to masturbate will only last around 20 minutes. If you get past 20 minutes, you likely won’t do it. When you feel the desire rising, slow yourself down. Look around and ask yourself, what are five things I see? What is something blue? If that doesn’t work, throw on some running shoes and go for a walk. This might sound ridiculous, but it works. Distract yourself like a mom distracts a kid that is about to cry.
Tell someone. You’ve got this! Trust me, talking about masturbation isn’t as scary as you think. Last year, I was at a conference, praying over a young girl – let’s call her Sammie – who confessed her addiction to masturbation that no one knew about. I told Sammie to tell her best friend. She nodded her head shyly, let out a sigh, and walked over to her friend. And guess what happened?! Sammie’s friend was asking for prayer for the EXACT SAME THING. The two girls cried as they confessed this secret part of their life. They realized they wanted to tell each other but didn't because they thought, “surely she doesn’t masturbate too.” The reality is your friends probably masturbate and desperately wish they had someone safe to chat with. Confession is the first step towards freedom and your confession might be the “get out of jail” card for your friends!
More than telling someone, pick an accountability partner. Pick one of your best friends, your bible study leader, or a mentor and have regular check-ins. Will it be awkward? 😳 Sometimes. But you will feel less alone at the end of the conversation and more empowered. Repent out loud to the other person. Laugh about it and be brutally honest. Also, I highly recommend you to read Psalm 32.
Have grace on yourself. If you slip up, avoid the “how could you” mental talk. Put your hand on your heart and say “God has never loved you more than this moment”. Be kind, empathic, and loving to yourself. 🤗 Talk to yourself like you talk to someone you respect.
Self-awareness is the most powerful tool to help you overcome addiction. Figure out why, when, and what triggers your desire to masturbate. Start to notice the trends. Maybe it happens when you feel rejected, numb, or after a long tiring day. Perhaps you watched a movie last night with a sex scene or listened to a song that triggered you. Figure out whether masturbation is a pain mechanism, numbing tactic, or escapist behavior.
Here are some questions to help you increase your self-awareness:
Why did I want my “happy shot”?
What happened before and after I masturbated? What was I feeling lonely, sad, or angry? Did I feel better afterward? Or do I feel guilty?
Is this an addiction, aka can I go three days without doing it?
When do I typically do it? What time of the day?
Where am I when the urge strikes? Is there a place I usually masturbate?
Have I ever talked about this with a mentor or someone in my inner circle?
Have I talked honestly to God about this?
What do I imagine while I masturbate? What type of sexual experience do I fantasize about?
What do I say to justify this action? I.e. “not a big deal” “only this one time” “it helps me sleep”, “everyone does it”
Do I need to watch porn to masturbate?
Write about masturbation in your journal and answer the above questions ⬆️. By the way, hiding, resisting, or pushing down your sexual desires doesn’t help. Unlike animals, we have a prefrontal cortex which is the high-functioning part of your brain that understands language and informs decisions about your desires. Meaning this part of your brain has the power to tell your body to stop. Also, write out a prayer and ask God to make it easy for you to stop.
Celebrate the small victories. 💃 Suddenly it's been a week since you last masturbated, and you could not last a day before... then do a freaking happy dance!!
Only spend time in your bed if you are trying to sleep. If you feel the desires rising, JUMP out of your bed and go into the kitchen.
If porn is involved, then charge your phone or laptop outside your room, or put the book, or whatever you usually use, away from you. Just tell your parents that you were spending too much time scrolling through Instagram and that you want to prioritize sleep.
Also, while I believe both masturbation and pornography should be discussed with BUCKETS of grace, I am far more passionately AGAINST porn. You can read my journal about porn here. The number one reason I hate porn is its inseparable connection to sex trafficking. In other words, you are fueling slavery by watching porn (learn more).
After sending a young girl from South Africa this “guide,” she responded with this message,
“I received your reply two days ago and read through it immediately. Actually, I've read it a couple of times now making sure not to miss anything. But when I read it the first time, all the numbness in my heart that may have resulted from the cycle of sinning, repenting to God, and then doing it again, it all just went away and I began to cry in the Lord, releasing all the frustrating feelings I've been carrying in my heart the past years. Sending you that message is the first step of faith I had to do so God can start his healing within me.
I realized that I've been praying a wrong prayer - that God would take away these sexual desires I have. But as you've said, we can't turn off our sexuality. It's part of the masterpiece God has created in us. So what I am learning and doing now is submitting it under His will.
I am carefully following your practical advice and thank God it wasn't as hard as I thought to stop. I'm making it my habit now to focus on God, in His promises, and what He says about me. I am more excited about what He has in store for me from this day on. ”
I hope this journal gives you the same level of empowerment! Remember, God isn’t ashamed of you. May you fully welcome God’s forgiveness and your honesty. Pray about masturbation without holding back information or feelings.
And one last piece of advice is if you tell yourself “don't do it”, it’s like telling your brain “don’t think of a pink elephant”. What did you just think of? Haha!
